everyone dies of mysterious causes. one who never played that hot new game, one who never scored, one who never even got a name, and one who hasn't even been seen before. it's all so very very sad and stuff. but as we all know, death is not the end of a life, but the beginning of a legend...
a silly young girl floats around on an unfamiliar planet. she also has WIND-BASED SUPERPOWERS. what will she do?
you get tractor beam'd into the world's shittiest spaceship. when you zap into the ship, you see that all your friends are here!
there's cake, who has a strange outfit sporting a graphic of a bloody cut on the shirt. he's also got a very large codpiece.
there's, uh, puyo? who seems to be asleep. she is wearing a dress with a pink heart on it.
and then there's one last shitty looking young woman. she's wearing a simple outfit with a strange symbol on the shirt.
look its not a plothole ok its totally intentional
you've got your alpha timeline, your beta timeline, and your gamma timeline (we are here), and your omega timeline
after the events of cave story, the world was completely warped beyond all recognition with the birth of blargo (the events of the cave story fanfic take place during blargo's rein). after blargo is killed in blargo dx, that completely flips the timeline (like the b side of a cassette tape or vinyl record), putting us in the gamma timeline. thought i wouldn't find a way to shoehorn blargo in this? GUESS AGAIN.
now that i'm here, this is a perfect opportunity to do a full recap of the story thus far.
we begin on evil "metronome" sue's 13th birthday.
after a mysterious mailman comes to her house, she recieves a copy of blargo dx (a copy of a game detailing the events of a dead timeline exist within the gamma timeline because of TIME SHENANIGANS)
then, she gets a text from her friend cake wishing her a happy birthday.
we cut to cake, who gets super depressed after failing to get american sports legend charles barkley into space jam 2. he copes with this by playing saints row 2 for 56 hours and endlessly calling metty until the WORLD ENDS.
why did the world end? because puyo cast a weird incantation that basically dissolved earth's atmosphere causing everyone to asphyxiate and die or some shit like that. maybe cake was acting weird because the lack of oxygen messed his brain up and stuff. who knows. anyway the spell used up all her mana so she was asleep during the point where she would be properly introduced. all you gotta know is that god DAMN does she loves witches.
metty, of course, being a plot integral character, ends up rising up into the god tiers and wakes up on her planet, the land of spring and breeze. scared and confused, she floats into outer space looking for answers. tractor "the beam "tracy"" farmington scoops her up in her shitty spaceship. all of metty's friends are there too, for some reason. and they're also all god tiers, being plot integral characters. in case you're wondering, the mail man and charles barkley also god tier.
now the whole gang, including 2 characters you barely know, are in a shitty spaceship. since they're all together in this one panel like this, i should go over their god tier titles.
metty - rogue of breath
cake - bard of blood
puyo - witch of heart
tractor "the beam "tracy"" farmington - heir of void
if you know, you know.
wow! that was a mess. so now that we're all caught up, what happens now?