Funny copy-pastas

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Aug 12, 2012 at 4:05 AM
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I've seen what getting jizzed on by a group of people does to a man, it is not pretty. I wasn't a part of it but when I was 12 or 13 I went to a sleep away summer camp and this is like when we were starting to discover porn and jacking off. Some kid brought some playboys and naked playing cards, sh*t like that with him. Anyway, one kid in our cabin was a huge tool, stole stuff like food and money from other people in our cabin. So half a dozen kids decided one night to wake up in the middle of the night at like 3 a.m and take turns jacking off in the bathroom, running out before they finished and blowing their load on the kid when he was sleeping. Literally 6-8 kids did this, all over his face, sheets, upper body, and hands, one kid also did it in his shoes. So everyone else wakes up the next morning and we all knew what had happened but this kid couldn't figure out why he was all sticky for like 15 minutes until a counselor forced it out of a kid. When the kid found out he went absolutely nuts, like certifiably crazy mental breakdown. He had to leave the camp for psychiatric treatment, worst part was after he took a shower and went to leave he stepped in the jizz shoes and also like 6 of my friends I never saw again because they got kicked out.
 
Aug 12, 2012 at 5:47 AM
Been here way too long...
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1/10 made me respond
 
Aug 12, 2012 at 6:44 AM
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And then a skeleton popped out


There once was a master sculptor who prospered in a strict, but respected art school. He was excellent in his craft, quickly surpassing the skill of his master and that of his fellow pupils. However, he was too good at his trade, and grew bored after just a few sculptures. They were masterpieces, each perfectly designed and executed, but to the sculptor, they were just plain and simple. He wanted something more, something new, something different. He started to experiment with new techniques and different substances, but was discouraged from doing so by his envious artistic peers. He had still been able to make masterpieces, unlike any the world had known before. However, in doing so, he had violated many art laws, which his peers took very seriously. But he didn't listen to them, so they destroyed his statues and exiled him. Then they brought him to a manhole which lead to a sewer and said, "Here is your new workspace! Let's see you work with this!" And they threw him in.
The sculptor looked around. They had sealed him inside the sewer. What was he going to do? He couldn't live here. Covered in grime and sludge and muck, he realized that he would die here, dirty, alone, and unappreciated. Determined to make one last sculpture, he needed a subject. "I'm going to die here," he thought. "So I might as well leave a record of my existence." And so the sculptor decided upon a subject: himself. Now all he needed was a material, but what was there down here that he could use? Looking at his filthy hands, he figured it would be useless trying to stay clean, so he looked around to see a potential material with which to sculpt.
Splat, splish, splash.
The sculptor turned toward this curious noise. It was human excrement. He was in a sanitary sewer. As this was the only thing there, he began to collect it and sculpt. He found that it was actually the best substance he had ever worked with. The sculptor worked for hours on end, without food or water, and finished his self-sculpture, and signed it, proving his existence. However, he collapsed of exhaustion in the process. Laying in the waste of what quite possibly could be that of his former art peers', he died, longing to work more with this newly discovered substance.
It is said that his ghost still wanders the sewers of the world, traveling through sewage pipes to collect the materials that he so desires. However, out of his hatred for his jealous art peers, he creates only the most horrific-looking sculptures. He will go so far to gather excrement that he will go to your very own toilet, the moment you sit down, sticking his hand just under your bottom with a bag to collect your bowel movements. If you try to look at it, it will disappear before you are able to notice it, and if you get constipated and make him impatient, he will remove your bowels for you. However, if he still does not extract them, he will drag you through the sewers to his workplace, where he will show you his terrible sculptures. They'll scare the shit out of you.
 
Aug 12, 2012 at 1:13 PM
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lmagine this. You are attracted to women, Iike you are now (emotionally and sexually), but they do not exist. They existed a long time ago, and no one knows what they looked like (They have a pretty good idea from the fossils, however), but they do not exist anymore. That means, not only do you know there will never be any possibility of you having sex with one, but there's not even a possibility of you ever seeing one in real life. Everyone else, however, except for a very few, are not attracted to women, they are attracted to something else entirely. So in other words, you will never find any porn anywhere on the internet, only non-sexual pictures of women. Everyone you have told about your attraction to women think it's disgusting. To relieve yourself, you get off on the non-sexual pictures of women, knowing it will never get any better.
That's what life is like to me.
I am a degree 6 Zoosexual, sexually and emotionally attracted to Tyrannosaurs and nothing else. Women don't even do it for me. I am cursed to live my life in the misery that my most powerful emotional fantasies will never be even close to coming true. Life is like hell to me. I will never know true love.
 
Aug 12, 2012 at 6:26 PM
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That is some pretty scary shit, if I got jizzed on I would give some revenge.

And if I was attracted to a dinosaur that would be weird. :orangebell:
 
Aug 12, 2012 at 7:22 PM
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That is some pretty scary shit, if I got jizzed on I would give some revenge.

And if I was attracted to a dinosaur that would be weird. :orangebell:
Not if you're a dinosaur yourself, the author never stated his species.
 
Aug 12, 2012 at 7:58 PM
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Woodenrat, stop reposting 4chan stories, please.
At least have the decency to post the screencaps you're reading instead of vaguely passing them off as your own.
 
Aug 13, 2012 at 1:25 AM
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Woodenrat, stop reposting 4chan stories, please.
At least have the decency to post the screencaps you're reading instead of vaguely passing them off as your own.
I never stated they were my stories. Personally, I found most them from random websites (mostly bb.com forums).

These stories are old copy-pastas, yes. It doesn't take a genius to understand this, it's quite obvious that they're just that. But good job unmasking the truth behind this thread, you goblin.
 
Aug 13, 2012 at 12:15 PM
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Not if you're a dinosaur yourself, the author never stated his species.
I highly doubt that the author was a dinosaur.
 
Aug 14, 2012 at 10:25 AM
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Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them ...together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one.
 
Aug 14, 2012 at 1:43 PM
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That has to be one of the most epic posts on the forum. :awesomeface:
 
Aug 14, 2012 at 3:59 PM
In my body, in my head
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Aug 14, 2012 at 11:43 PM
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I swear. This group is full of a bunch of elitist cheeky cunts. You don't know what it's like to be made fun of. Every day of my childhood, I was made fun of, ridiculed even...why? Because I had a medical condition, my muscles developed at a rate of twice a normal kid my age. "OOO look! The Hulk" they called me, "Watch out guys! That mountain seems to be moving towards us!" they yelled out. This one kid...every fuckinging day. Every single fucking day this little faggot just sat there and gave me this stupid look on his face and said, "jelly." You know what? I'm sick of it. I can't help that my body developed naturally in a 1.18 ratio to the likes of Adonis himself, but why should I be made fun of for that? Fat people are just like me. I suppose instead of a perfect, sculpted body they have rolls, boils, rashes and lots of sweat with disproportionate faces and limbs...but do they really, REALLY need to be made more aware of that?
 
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