Bill Gates' Adventures in Heaven

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Mar 24, 2011 at 4:10 AM
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This is a spambot post from another forum I go on. There was just no fucking way I could have not posted this.
(Thread titled "Bill Gates' Adventures in Heaven")

Ever wondered what heaven looks like ?
Bill Gates died and, much to everyone's surprise, went to Heaven. When he got there, he had to wait in the reception area. starzmart
Heaven's reception area was the size of Massachusetts. There were literally millions of people milling about, living in tents with nothing to do all day. Food and water were being distributed from the backs of trucks, while baby monitors staffers with clipboards slowly worked their way through the crowd. Bill lived in a tent for three weeks until, finally, one of the staffers approached him. The staffer was a young man in his late teens, face scarred with acne. He was wearing a blue T-shirt with the words TEAM PETER emblazoned on it in large yellow lettering.
"Hello," said the staffer in a bored voice vedio baby monitors that could have been the voice of any clerk in any overgrown bureaucracy. "My name is Gabriel and I'll be your induction coordinator." Bill started to ask a question, but Gabriel interrupted him. "No, I'm not the Archangel Gabriel. I'm just a guy from Philadelphia named Gabriel who died in a car wreck at the age of 17. Now give me your name, last name first, unless you were Chinese in which case it's first name first."
"Gates, Bill." Gabriel started searching though the sheaf of papers on his clipboard, looking for Bill's Record of Earthly Works. "What's going on here?" asked Bill. "Why are all these people here? Where's Saint Peter? Where are the Pearly Gates?"
Mar 24, 2011 at 4:13 AM
In my body, in my head
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But it ends on a cliffhanger D:

I want to baby monitors know what happens to bill! What sort of shenanigans will he get into? Somebody has to finish this.
Mar 24, 2011 at 4:33 AM
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I wish the spambot were here so he could vedio baby monitors tell the rest of the story ):
Mar 24, 2011 at 3:25 PM
graters gonna grate
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Chapter 2

Gabriel did not respond, but continued rifling through his papers, until he stopped, looking rather confused.
"Something wrong?" asked Bill.
"Your Record of Earthly Works is a bit, erm... odd. I'm not quite sure what to make of it."
"Could I have a look?"
"No, no need for that," said Gabriel. "Let me go ask my boss what to do about it. Stay here, I'll be back in a few minutes," he said, walking off in search of his boss.
Bill waited 5, 10, 20 minutes, but there was no sign of Gabriel. Finally, he got tired of waiting and decided to find out for himself what was starzmart baby monitors wrong with his Record of Earthly Works. He approached one of the staffers, a middle-aged woman wearing a shirt which was similar to Gabriel's, but was brown and labeled with the words "TEAM JOSEPH" in white letters.
"Excuse me, ma'am, I have a question about my Record of Earthly Works."
"Patience, good sir!" she said irritably, "A staffer will assist you shortly."
Bill laughed inwardly at this absurd claim, remembering how it had taken three weeks at first before Gabriel had finally come to him.
"Actually, somebody already tried to assist me," he said, "but he was unable to figure out what my Record meant. He went to go ask his boss about it, but he's been gone baby monitors much longer than he said he would be."
"You must be patient and faithful," she replied. "We of Team Joseph are always most diligent in our effort to help newcomers!"
"My staffer was from Team Peter."
"Team Peter!?" she said, wincing, "You have my sincerest apologies, good sir. I'd be happy to answer whatever questions you may have about your Record. Your name?"
"Gates, Bill."
The woman turned to the appropriate page on her clipboard and stared intently at it.
"Well this certainly is intere-," she began, but was cut off by a man shriveled up from old age. "Yes, what is it now, Mr. Perkins?" she snapped.
"The Anti-Polyspirit Instrument is broken again," he said in a slow, strained voice.
"I'm sorry, but you'll have to talk to Charles about that," she said tersely. "Now, Mr. Gates, as I was sayi- What!?" she exclaimed, turning back to the old man.
"Now Margaret, you know as well as I do that Charles is an incompetent fool!" he said.
Margaret's fists clenched as she paused, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath to calm herself, before turning to continue her debate with Mr. Perkins. The two of them continued arguing for several minutes, and Bill began to grow impatient, thinking bitterly that this Charles person was not the only "incompetent fool" around here. Margaret's clipboard was still turned aiduo-visual baby moniters to Bill's Record of Earthly Works, but she was holding it at her other side, where he couldn't see it. He crept around to her other side to see the following on his Record:

A problem has been detected and Windows has been shut down to prevent damage to your computer.


If this is the first time you've seen this Stop error screen, restart your computer. If this screen appears again, follow these steps:

Check to make sure any new hardware or software is properly installed. If this is a new installation, ask your hardware or software manufacturer for any Windows updates you might need.

If problems continue, disable or remove any newly installed hardware or software. Disable BIOS memory options such as cahing or shadowing. If you need to use Safe Mode to remove or disable components, restart your computer, press F8 to select Advanced Startup Options, and then select Safe Mode.

Technical information:

*** STOP: 0x000000D1 (0x0000000C, 0x00000002, 0x00000000, 0xF86B5A89)

*** gv3.sys - Address F86B5A89 base at F86B5000, DateStamp 3dd991eb

Beginning dump of physical memory
Physical memory dump complete.
Contact your system administrator or technical support group for further assistance

Margaret turned and looked over her shoulder to see what he was doing, and jumped backward in shock, screaming "DATA THIEF IN SECTOR M!! DATA THIEF IN SECTOR M!! GET HIM!!!!!".
She and several other staffers leapt at Bill, and he ran for his life, or whatever was left of it.
Mar 24, 2011 at 6:16 PM
Been here way too long...
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Thank you for finishing the story, Cheese.
Mar 24, 2011 at 7:17 PM
graters gonna grate
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You're welcome, but I didn't finish it. In fact, I was rather hoping someone else would continue it with chapter 3, and then someone else would do chapter 4, etc, and it would eventually become this huge epic story.
Mar 24, 2011 at 7:41 PM
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We need a good spambot. One that spams like me, but in a more interesting way
Mar 25, 2011 at 2:57 AM
"Life begins and ends with Nu."
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Remember that one spambot who spammed the forums and then started talking normally to the forum members?
Mar 25, 2011 at 4:48 AM
Only Love, Maximum Love, Forever
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And it was named RHF64.