Cavernous Storybook: Have I officially written the most insane CS crackfic since Doukutsu Days?

So, very recently, I wrote this completely batshit insane CS crackfic called Cavernous Storybook (the full name is way too long to memorize) that was actually written as a weird sort of direct prequel to the game itself; I'm going to add a link to it later. At first, I had the idea to make it a parody of anime and manga, but then it just sort of went off and did its own thing, becoming an instant classic in the process. Now I miss Doukutsu Days just a little bit less as a result.

Jack and Mahin are the two show-stealers of the main characters (since Quote is barely even on the island yet, let alone Sue and Balrog), lampshading how they both get reduced into minor characters in the actual game as punishment for being such giant douchebags in this story, and they are both freaking hilarious. Every single chapter has at least one moment that will make you go WTF, with the most memorable being the giant robot battle.

If you ever wanted to see someone fight a schizophrenic blue ninja mushroom, have unprotected underaged sex (that involves both breastfeeding and foot fetishism) on the floor with Chako, get his father's spirit implanted into his eyeball ala Kitaro, brainwash a whole bunch of enemy soldiers to do the chicken dance naked (and jump off the edge of a building), scare Quote off with a frickin' bubble gun, get reminded nonstop by his right eyeball about how to climb staircases, engage in a giant robot battle in the middle of Tokyo for almost no apparent reason (because Japan), kiss King right on the lips despite being a guy himself, and even get baby diarrhea sprayed all over his face, all over the course of barely over 10,000 words, then this story is for you.

The best part? Despite how freaking crazy the stuff that happens in this story is, it actually very cleverly ties in with the later events of the real game, right down to Quote waking up in the First Cave. Now that's attention to detail. http://www.quotev.com/story/6956076/Cavernous-Storybook/1/

 

Why does it feel like you're trying to sell me something

 

it's not a competition

 

Despite how freaking crazy the stuff that happens in this story is, it actually very cleverly ties in with the later events of the real game

have unprotected underaged sex (that involves both breastfeeding and foot fetishism) on the floor with Chako, get his father's spirit implanted into his eyeball ala Kitaro, brainwash a whole bunch of enemy soldiers to do the chicken dance naked (and jump off the edge of a building)

Yeah... Good luck with that.

 

Jeez, you're making this sound like your fanfic is canon. Also, who are you to call Quote "underaged"? Robots were originally meant to fuck people shortly after being built. Robots are built with no age in mind.

 

why does this sound like self-advertisement

 

why does this sound like self-advertisement

It is, really.

 

Have I officially written the most insane CS crackfic since Doukutsu Days?

You must work for Buzzfeed.

 

You must work for Buzzfeed.

Holy crap, you're right!

Spoiler

 

Jeez, you're making this sound like your fanfic is canon. Also, who are you to call Quote "underaged"? Robots were originally meant to fuck people shortly after being built. Robots are built with no age in mind.

Wrong character. In this story, Jack and Mahin are the main (douchebag) duo, with the former being the lovable average Joe that all of the crazy shit happens to while the latter is an (equally lovable) evil and greedy fat bastard and gets away scot-free, which is exactly what makes this story so weirdly entertaining. XD

Also, what part of giant robot battle in the middle of Tokyo for almost no apparent reason, let alone the rest of that paragraph, sounds even remotely canon to Cave Story?

Yeah... Good luck with that.

Believe it or not, although it was certainly very difficult, it was actually possible. The way that I did it might not have been exactly canon or anything, but I definitely did a good job pulling it off. You're just going to have to trust me on this XD

 

I'm dead inside.

 

How thoughtful. Your avatar doesn't exactly help either...
Personally, I never really took a shining to sexual humor. I don't know why, but oh well.

 

I never really took a shining to sexual humor. I don't know why, but oh well.

because its everywhere and its getting old.

Spoiler

I hate to say it, but...

Spoiler

I'm loosing interest in sex as a whole because of it

Spoiler

Nah... I couldn't be pseudo-asexual even if I tried.

 

@xandermartin98, all of your fanfics are terrible and I doubt you even know the meaning of the text in your avatar.

You should seek mental help.

 

Wow, what an actually horrible thing to say

 

it only hurts a lot?

 

I doubt you even know the meaning of the text in your avatar.

I don't see how him knowing (or not knowing) that the text in his avatar means "just as planned" has anything to do with his fanfics being terrible.

 

Guys, I need to address that Xander is a troll fic writer. People like him intentionally write their stuff to be outright insane, poorly done or just plain offensive to get a reaction out of the reader. I mean really, could you take a story seriously when Jack gets revenge on DeviantART, or when the Cave Story universe meets I.M. Meen and re-enacts Conker's Bad Fur Day?

 

I was bored, so I actually have readen the whole thing.
I have no words for it, I'm not angry or something, but what the actual fuck happens... it's fucking weird.
Should be rated M though due to one NSFW scene, it's actually currently rated T.

 

Yeah... Good luck with that.

I was bored, so I actually have readen the whole thing.
I have no words for it, I'm not angry or something, but what the actual fuck happens... it's fucking weird.
Should be rated M though due to one NSFW scene, it's actually currently rated T.

Well, the thing that makes this a great story is exactly that. I mean, sure, the stuff that happens is fucking weird as shit, but in the end, as I already explicitly pointed out, the storyline itself is actually quite well-written and ironically ties itself together better than most non-crack-fics. Yes, I said crack fic, not troll fic. Depending on how you do it, there is a difference. Besides, I can't be the only one who is extremely bored with all of those goddamned huge, overly long and drawn-out fanfics that try way too hard to be deep and serious. (Cave Story: The Novelization for example. Why not just play the damned game?)

The reason why I felt that this story deserved exposure was because it was the first time that I actually got my writing style right on more than one level. You see, like I just said above, this story is just supposed to be a really fun and crazy little diversion from the vastly darker tone of the real game.

Yes, its South Park style of humor is excruciatingly overused, but the way that I did it here was pretty clever. Honestly, it reminds me a lot of the Ren & Stimpy/Rocko's Modern Life era of 90's cartoons, only with even more self-aware humor and subtext.

The trick to enjoying this is to just accept it for its creativity and kind of think about the inner meaning of how the characters are portrayed. Jack and Mahin have pretty interesting personalities here.

In short, this story is basically a more serious Doukutsu Days with an actual plot, so yeah, it's a huge improvement over its original inspiration even before you take the dialogue into account.

Guys, I need to address that Xander is a troll fic writer. People like him intentionally write their stuff to be outright insane, poorly done or just plain offensive to get a reaction out of the reader. I mean really, could you take a story seriously when Jack gets revenge on DeviantART, or when the Cave Story universe meets I.M. Meen and re-enacts Conker's Bad Fur Day?

This story really isn't particularly insane or offensive in the slightest. It wouldn't even be that weird if not for its incredibly over-the-top portrayals of the protagonists.

There's nothing wrong with trying to draw a reaction out of the reader when there is clearly a solid core plot with genuinely funny and smart characters to back it up. Hell, the actual sex scene with Chako in Cave Story was more disturbing than the one here.

And yes, Kitaro is, in fact, a real anime/manga character that has impressively been around since 1960. So don't think that I made him up either.