263 replies to this topic

[sinophile]

I have liked a girl for a few years and she strikes me as the person I would like to spend the rest of my life with. I don't think its teenage lust, infatuation, or that I am in love with the concept of being in love. She simply strikes me as the most perfect, pure, angelic girl I have ever known and she encapsulates every feature, both personality wise and physically, that I value and desire. I have not even talked to her before, and only saw her a number of times, but her image is still extremely vivid in my mind. She is truly the most perfect girl to me.

I've written page after page of notes with wild plans, such as every detail of her life I've scronged from memory and the internet, machinations to meet her in real life, estimations of the type of man she would like, plans to become that man, and even a plan to create a fake log-in screen to steal one of her friend's password to see her Facebook profile.

Coming to this university presents a new opportunity for me because she goes to it too. But random bump-ins will be few and far in-between. I'm not sure how to even approach her without instantly creating a horrible first-impression and destroying my chances. When I'm in a group of people, my presence is such that I stick out like a disgusting sore thumb in ways which I do not notice or comprehend.

Once, just once, for the first time in several years, I thought I saw her. My legs froze and my entrails turned to ice. I literally felt a groggy feeling rising up my chest wanting to burst out from my mouth. All I could do was stare as she quickly glanced at me, turned away then walked around the corner of the building. When I recovered, I quickly tried to follow her, but she had already disappeared from sight.

[JetHawk95]

I fell in love with a girl over christmas, She split up with me last night because she didnt feel the same as me "/ Love sucks man...

[Schokobecher]

^that.

[WoodenRat]

Jetty sorry to hear that mate, shit happens sometimes.

As for sino...I sort of know what it feels like, but the last time it happened when I was a kid ended when my age reached 13. I was about 12, and so in love. But now that I look back I was just a small kid with a crush basically. After I turned 13 I got over her in less than a few months. Ever since then I haven't been in love. Even if you'll never talk to her, or if you'll never see her again it's still worth it. Love brings joy to you and apparently to others around you (in my case at least). Doesn't matter what you'll do now, she'll still be on your mind everyday for the next year or so.

[DoubleThink]

I've written page after page of notes with wild plans, such as every detail of her life I've scronged from memory and the internet, machinations to meet her in real life, estimations of the type of man she would like, plans to become that man, and even a plan to create a fake log-in screen to steal one of her friend's password to see her Facebook profile.

Steady there Romeo, don't box yourself into a corner ._.





...I had an internet crush once. It was nice to learn that all the corny stuff about love and arousal have nothing to do with each other is true after all.

[cultr1]

All I can say is that you should probably talk to her.
And just like send her a damn friend request, stalking isn't cool man.

Funny story about crushes, like 3 of my friends have a crush on one of my mates, but she's a lesbian.
D:

[Wedge of Cheese]

Well, we (the other forum members and I) are all just outside observers, so we can't say for sure, but if I had to take a guess, I'd say you are right in that this is "real" love, and not just a crush, and can and will last your whole life, if you want it to. Don't let anyone's claims to the contrary convince you otherwise; YOU are the only one that can know for sure. The fact that your feelings have lasted for multiple years without even having had spoken to her to me is a strong indicator that you're right. Plus, as WoodenRat said, even if you're wrong and it is just a crush, it can still be worth it. You have much more to gain from being right than you do to lose from being wrong.

Now, as for what you should actually do, that can be tough. I'm actually in a similar situation to yours - about 5 years ago, at a 3-day retreat with my church's youth group, there was a girl that I fell in love with. I've never told anyone this before, but you've inspired me to open up a bit . During this retreat, I was like you; much too shy/awkward to approach her. I didn't even get any of her contact information or even her last name before leaving, which may have been the biggest mistake I've ever made. Now, however, I've had so much time to let the fact of how important she is to me sink in, that I doubt I'd have trouble approaching her if I found her again. Hopefully, you too will eventually reach this point.

That may not be very helpful, since I dunno when/if you'll reach that point, so lemme try to be a bit more helpful. For one thing, I'm not sure "estimating the type of man she would like, and planning to become that man" is the best idea. A better approach would be to use your own strengths rather than looking for her "weaknesses" (for lack of a better term). If she really is the right woman for you, then what she wants will naturally be what you have (we already know that the reverse of that is true). Also, people's preconceived notions of who the ideal significant other would be aren't always the same as who they actually end up falling for. My advice would be: rather than analyzing her, try to analyze yourself. I firmly believe that there's something beautiful and amazing about every person - it's just more obvious in some people than in others. Based on what you said about "sticking out like a disgusting sore thumb in ways which I do not notice or comprehend", it sounds like your "awesomeness" is of the less obvious variety, but that's okay, because that just makes it all the more amazing and satisfying in those moments when it does shine through. See if you can remember such moments in your life, and the kind of personal traits you had to exemplify to make them happen. Think of the traits that your friends like in you. These traits are probably ones that would earn you the most respect/love in her eyes. Heck, even if they don't, finding them is still a worthwhile goal - bringing them out will make you a better person.

A few final bits of advice about making a meeting with her less awkward. You'll want to take it in small steps, especially if you're somewhat socially awkward. Maybe don't start off talking to her one-on-one, but have about 2 or 3 other people around. With too few people, it's difficult to carry on a conversation, but with too many people, less chatty individuals tend to get left out (which might be you). The other people should preferably be either your friends (encourage them to not leave her out of the conversation) or people that neither of you know (since if they're her friends, they might leave you out of the conversation).

Hopefully this was somewhat helpful, though I have very little experience with relationships, so this should all be taken with a few grains of salt.

[WoodenRat]

That must the longest post I've read WoC. Thanks for mentioning my name, too. As for the love issue...Well just hang in there man, life has taught me that sometimes weirdly rare yet insignificant coincidences take place that aren't very likely happen and then they utterly change the course of events. Also like WoC said, instead of analyzing her try analyzing yourself. You might find it impossible since a person's judgment about himself and others can be altered a lot by his feelings, surroundings and priorities. For example if you were on a survival situation in Alaska your whole perception of things would change, possibly permantently.

[JetHawk95]

I had a crush on a girl over facebook for a year, she lived like 5 mins away but we never got to meet until like 3quaters of a year through
We never did end up getting together, i loved her sooo much :/ but not as much as the releationship ive recently been in, This one? When she split up with me i wanted to die, felt so fustrated and then i realized... i realized what love really is... I think we are back together now
Sinophile, Letting go sounds stupid, people told me to let go and i laughed in there faces and said they didn t understand but letting go was the best thing i ever did. I know its hard but... Internet crushes and falling for someone just... I dont know its just complicated.

[JakeXanth]

So this is the new relationships thread, huh.